As June quickly approaches, I will wrap up May with this awesome comic which pretty much captures the idiocy of the stoopit green movement.
from Married To The Sea
Showing posts with label green rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label green rant. Show all posts
LEED Platinum my ass
Happy Un-Earth Month, here's a continuation of the green rant.
So I went to my first LEED platinum building yesterday and I went to a Green Globes building a week and half ago. Having visited these buildings on exacerbated my hatred of USGBC. Excuse me for being a sell out and took the LEED exam, but I did it out of shear spite that the version after mine will require yearly dues rather than a one time fee. I will take the onetime fee thank you.
Let’s talk about the awesome building first… The Green Globe facility was a homeless shelter that has been designed to provide a homey transition environment for people in need and man did the architects do a good job. The materials used were bright and comforting and the structured allowed for lots of sunlight through. Excellent facility that makes me sad that Green Globes were purchased by JLL, thus can no longer provide third party grading of buildings as they have the past couple of years. Sad, because their system of rating buildings is more intuitive and actually more environmentally friendly.
Next, let me tell you about the time a row of us ladies looked at each other in the mirror laughing/crying at the outrageousness of trying to wash our hands in scolding water. The bathroom experience at the LEED building was horrendous. First, the toilets gave the option of flushing number 1 or number 2, pretty cool since you can use different amounts of water right? Wrong, they also set the usual auto flush sensors that went off before you get to pick ½, yeah, nice try on saving toilet water.
Okay, let’s go wash the hands. As the four of us stood at the sinks we realized the auto-sensors were not sensitive enough to feel our waving in front of the faucet. With our hands covered already in soap, we finally discovered that the hands had to take turns pretty much totally covering the sensor for the other hand to get water, water that was scolding hot. Yes, hot water, real environmentally friendly. We probably let more water flow through unused because our hands could only handle the rinsing one second at a time.
We all joked (when we’re actually not) wow, this is a counterproductive way to advertise this building for potential tenants and how is a LEED building better than others when the bathroom experience was pretty shitting (zing!). Yes, I’d love to know how rent in a LEED building would be more when the bathroom fixtures don’t’ work. This is just another example of how LEED is actually counterproductive to the sustainable design environment. Trying to push a rating system onto a building while the technology mandated by their book is still not advanced enough is just money and energy wasted, but the USGBC surely got their pay, when they charge for membership, and the certification process didn’t they?
So I went to my first LEED platinum building yesterday and I went to a Green Globes building a week and half ago. Having visited these buildings on exacerbated my hatred of USGBC. Excuse me for being a sell out and took the LEED exam, but I did it out of shear spite that the version after mine will require yearly dues rather than a one time fee. I will take the onetime fee thank you.
Let’s talk about the awesome building first… The Green Globe facility was a homeless shelter that has been designed to provide a homey transition environment for people in need and man did the architects do a good job. The materials used were bright and comforting and the structured allowed for lots of sunlight through. Excellent facility that makes me sad that Green Globes were purchased by JLL, thus can no longer provide third party grading of buildings as they have the past couple of years. Sad, because their system of rating buildings is more intuitive and actually more environmentally friendly.
Next, let me tell you about the time a row of us ladies looked at each other in the mirror laughing/crying at the outrageousness of trying to wash our hands in scolding water. The bathroom experience at the LEED building was horrendous. First, the toilets gave the option of flushing number 1 or number 2, pretty cool since you can use different amounts of water right? Wrong, they also set the usual auto flush sensors that went off before you get to pick ½, yeah, nice try on saving toilet water.
Okay, let’s go wash the hands. As the four of us stood at the sinks we realized the auto-sensors were not sensitive enough to feel our waving in front of the faucet. With our hands covered already in soap, we finally discovered that the hands had to take turns pretty much totally covering the sensor for the other hand to get water, water that was scolding hot. Yes, hot water, real environmentally friendly. We probably let more water flow through unused because our hands could only handle the rinsing one second at a time.
We all joked (when we’re actually not) wow, this is a counterproductive way to advertise this building for potential tenants and how is a LEED building better than others when the bathroom experience was pretty shitting (zing!). Yes, I’d love to know how rent in a LEED building would be more when the bathroom fixtures don’t’ work. This is just another example of how LEED is actually counterproductive to the sustainable design environment. Trying to push a rating system onto a building while the technology mandated by their book is still not advanced enough is just money and energy wasted, but the USGBC surely got their pay, when they charge for membership, and the certification process didn’t they?
why i'm not too worried
I took some ridiculous classes in college because I honestly believe I should learn the shit out of smarty pants electives because finally, I’m not being ostracized for being a dork. I embraced my dorkdom and still retain a lot of the information. Till this day, I still prefer to only fly on Northwest, keep up with Steven Hawkins, and really believe global warming is made up shit.
Now hear me out Lisa Simpson, behold, this here is an ice core chart of the past 400k years.
We are on the far left. Looking at the patterns of the past couple of ice ages, I got chills in class. See that? We’re headed into an ICE AGE!
So while I understand CFC’s are bad and the ozone layer is depleting, I am not saying we should keep destroying our planet, we should just cut out all the hype. Yes, think sustainably, but not militant green.
asshat green initiatives
In celebration of NOT Earthday/week/month, I thought I could probably rant a little about the green movement, especially since I witness the stupidity of these movement epitomized into one particulr person i don't ever imagine seeing again (thank Khali's multiple stabby arms). I have a lot of problems with the whole “Green” effort because it’s becoming a bit too communistic enforcement like (especially the troops of young whippersnapping green peace kids who are reaaaaaaaaaly going to convince me to go green by yelling at me, try me again and i will yell back at all the ASHRAE codes i've memorzed from LEED exam in your face and watch you weep in shame, i will out energyefficienfy yer ass anyday punk). Instead of just being smart about what you are doing like the ol Indian-with-a-tear ways, we now have crazy people who pushes green initiatives around while overlooking their asinine life choices.
One of these suckass examples of such initiatives bestowed upon me was the "let’s replace all the paper and styrofoamware in office with shitty plates and even shittier silverware" movement. Natalee Dee posted this gem the other day and the spoonless spoon is exactly what I’ve been using for the past 2 years of my sad soup-loving life.
One of these suckass examples of such initiatives bestowed upon me was the "let’s replace all the paper and styrofoamware in office with shitty plates and even shittier silverware" movement. Natalee Dee posted this gem the other day and the spoonless spoon is exactly what I’ve been using for the past 2 years of my sad soup-loving life.
Now, I’m not bashing IKEA here but I think the ex-coworker “asshat”, code name I’ve been secretly using with fellow co-workers, got these tableware and silverware from the lost and found bin at IKEA. As one who loves me a good antique and constantly trolls on Martha and her various ex-minions’ blogs, these things should have been bought and placed directly into the recycling bin, as a green initiative.
Let’s rate these gems on the following criteria…Appearance, Utilitarianism, Washability.
Plates
Appearance: At first glance, these are plain, sterile, so they are perfect for corporate environment.
Utilitarianism: Try popping these suckers in the microwave for only about 15 seconds. Yes, your food is still cold, but the plates will be so hot you instantly will drop them on the counter. Oh, there’s first chip of the new plate. To protect your strong hand for hardcore mouse and keyboard work action, you have to get another plate to hold the hotter lava plate, so you can walk back to your desk, not looking ridiculous or anything, to eat your cold meal.
Washability: dishwasher safe eh? After a wash in the dishwasher, more chips. Yeah, these plates/bowls will be so scalloped you’d think the plates were dimpled on purpose to be deviled egg plates.
Silverware
Appearance: Very minimalistic steel, looks like a cookie cutter cut all these from a flat sheet of metal foil. No bend in the spoon nor fork for ergonomics of powereating and spoon is so flat, it might as well be a flat metal spatula. Oh yeah, standard forks have 4+ prongs, these only have three. Perhaps we can all pretend we’re Ariel’s dad and eat off of the Trident. Let’s give this set a eating test shall we?
Utilitarianism: Ever try to eat soup with a spatula? Ever tried to eat peas/rice/beans/noodles from a trident with the pointy things at least 3/8 inches apart? Unless you are using these silverware as part of the “I can see you food but I can’t put you in my mouth” diet, you just may try to slice your own wrist open with a knife out of frustration. Oh wait, these knives don’t cut. I think I’ve gotten paper cuts from illustration boards the same thickness.
Washability: Oh yeah, these things are washable, if food can't even get on it, how would they even get dirty?.
Rating: FAIL. How about you don’t offer any dinnerware or silverware so people are forced to carry their own? No one has to wash other people’s dirty dishes then, and I don’t have to put up with moronic dinnerware/silverware choice. The forks also fail as dingohoppers, an afro-pick works through my mane way better than this metal scrap.
Lesson: Just like clothes, it’s about price per wear. Go with the Pyrex containers for lunches, Go with the one nice set of silverware for work, Go with the stainless steel chopsticks (the plastic and bamboos ones wear out), Get your own kickass nalgene water bottle/metal canteen, Bring your own mug, and wash it all yourself.
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