Evolution of Earth-shattering Awesomeness

This is a tale of a joke that just builds and builds to the point that now I have an involuntary stomach muscle contractions to prepare me for the guffawing that is about to come, even when I am only just thinking, remotely, not even seeing it, for real.* Whatever gets me through the day right?

First was this awesome shirt LBL tipped me off at Amazon. It's like Flight of the Conchords meets lumberjack-wear. Just plain magical, just look at the customer reviews at the Amazon site.

"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called meth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."

The rest of the gems are just as good.

Second was pretty much a fairytale. The above mentioned three badass wolves married the Keyboard Cat and gave us these precious kitties. Can this be worn with a keyboard tie?

Play me off Keyboard Cat Shirt

Third pretty much completed the epic circle that is my life as I spotted this at an interior design blog.

(it's in philly = dirrty so my loss is your gain!)

Three Wolves X2 – moon=still badass

But…if you reeeeeeeeaaaallllly need that moon here is a great DIY to make your own giant C&B looking paper lantern moon at The State of Things.

In my pretend world Chuck Norris is wears these kinds of shirts as undershirts underneath his plaid lounging between these fabulous end tables and playing Haley off.

*my god this is even better than crunches